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Loss of Spiritual Inspiration

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Question:

I work myself as a natural healer in the south of Germany and my wife and me have a praxis on our own.
My first contact with the thought of spirituality was at the age of 17/18 in the form of shamanism, later I did practice Buddhism (vipassana) and finally I read the Autobiography of Paramahansa Yogananda, what made me orientate in a new way in feeling spirituality and enlightenment: as something non-confessional, as something that is neutral to human thinking… .
That was the time, when I got to my last teacher, who is also natural healer, master in meditation and a great source of spiritual knowledge.
I admit, that I did never let the personal bondage get too tight, because I took to heart, what her teaching taught me:
Freedom is the highest good! Now I got my (our) praxis since about over one year and we make it quite well (o.k., it could be better,but I always have a little or little more sorrow, because my trust in life was always a big topic in my whole trying to get unfolded in this life.) We do well with our children (two 6-year old girls) and our material wealth is always enough to have a good comfort.
Now here it comes: the big “BUT”!
I practice meditation since I am 19 years old. I always had my inner fightings with discipline (in school, with teachers and life at all), sometimes it seems, that with every year I did practice my inner resistance seems to grow.
Now I reached a big aim in my life (own praxis) and I can´t get the tension to keep it upright as I wish to. Where is my wish for enlightenment, peace and inner freedom gone? Meditation is good, as long as I practice, but the point of doing it, the NOW gets so much lethargy or resistance that I do not recognize me anymore.
I am 39 years old, did study Psychology, Physiotherapy and Natural Healing, I am allowed to call me Meditation-Teacher, but right now I feel far away from that.

Read more: deepakchopra.com

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