So, I have been exploring movement as a way to process somatic trauma memories. Yoga and dance and running. I've found that I can touch something more when I dance. There is a greater love and I sort of receive? but I also embody? teachings. But they are not teachings, just truths I remember. I feel so deeply connected to a divine source when I let my body move unrestricted and am fully present. It is more than meditation.. it feels like speaking with someone/something much bigger than me and it burns me out usually for days or weeks. The messages I receive are personal and they often tell me how to navigate the next few days. It feels like being on mushrooms but 100% sober. I've noticed some similar accounts in shamanic practices but I want to understand this more.
I have been suicidal for a while and been very close last few months. And yet, every time I am right at the edge, something (it is me but also not me.. like a divine version of me? but it is also everything and not "mine") just pours so much love into me and it sort of refuels me as I process more shit.
What is happening
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