Hear me out… the title may sound pretty airy fairy and new agey but I can't think of any other way to describe it.
Since the end of last year I have been experiencing an array of different things, from waves of bliss pulsing through my body, insights into non-duality, hyper-sensitivity (ie feeling energy in my body and being able to move it with my hands) etc.
It sounds fun however most of the past 6 months or so have been pure hell and this process for me has been very difficult.
I've encountered different entities at night (something I've always seen) but now I challenge them and sometimes I fight them off with either love or shamanic tools and mantras. They don't come around very often now.
Anyway, I've really been losing hope recently and became somewhat scared of the light. Things are shifting a bit more and I find that when I tune in with prayers and connect to a higher power (this can be a deity, my higher self or source etc. It really seems to be anything) I can feel energy entering my body. It is very light and blissful. It feels like communication I am perhaps not yet able to interpret fully (there are no voices or messages – it's just this feeling of safety and connection like being taken home or reminded of it).
These moments of connection usually bring me to tears or laughter. It feels very profound. I just went into this connection about an hour ago and asked for something to be released from me lovingly as it is no longer needed and I'm ready to love myself. I got back to typing away at something and then I just felt my eyes water and I began crying. The purgative type crying where your stomach is contracting and your body is shaking.
It feels very releasing and I can feel subtle and warm waves leaving my body.
I feel a bit silly typing things like this out and to be honest I keep a lot to myself because, well it just sort of sounds made up (I've been through a lot of self-doubt and fraud-complexes over the past few months too. I guess this is also one of the reasons I gave up on myself).
I'm writing this as it feels as though this is some form of connection, and whilst no-one here can tell me what will happen next, I am curious as to whether others have had similar experiences and what happened for them as a result. Did your connection become deeper, did you hear voices, was it more obvious to you what this is or was?
I feel this question in my head 'what am I what am I' just repeating in these states.
My intuition/ego-fantasy (I really can't tell which is which… I don't take anything too seriously) is that I am from another planet and this is guides of some kind just giving me a small ethereal hug or thumbs up because they know I need a bit of a push and love every now and then to encourage me to keep going.
Ha sorry if this sounds crazy – I am just being honest with what I feel or what is on my mind. This view has likely come from reading about other's experiences to be honest so I don't hold it as true at all.
However, I really have no idea! One thing that has helped my learning is to be open to the idea that I could be completely wrong about every idea I have. Maybe there are other options I am not seeing, or am not able to see right now. This helps to open to other ideas that would otherwise be filtered through my ego's idea of everything.
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